There is nothing about growing beyond the pain of a cheating partner that Vaish?li fails to understand.
As a personal growth professional and personal growth radio host on Clear Channel’s KTLK (Greater Los Angeles and Santa Barabara) and KEST (San Francisco), Vaish?li often draws upon her own life experience to help others regain their footing and reconnect to a life worth living.
These are her hard won tips for surviving the break up of a cheating partner:
1. Don’t beat yourself up. Your cheating partner has most likely already done enough of that for the both of you. Beating yourself up can easily become a habit, so it needs to be avoided right from the start. If Christie Brinkley’s recent divorce has taught women anything, it is that no matter how attractive, smart or successful you are, you are not immune. Partners cheat because of their insecurities, not because you are not good enough. When the urge arises to blame yourself for your partner’s infidelities, it is imperative that you develop the habit of focusing on more life sustaining actions.
2. Don’t dwell on the details of the infidelity. There is nothing you can do about what happened in the past. Dwelling on it only causes emotional scaring. It is impossible to focus on growing beyond your pain while simultaneously obsessing about what is creating your pain. The negativity will cancel out any gains you may have made to “grow beyond.” You have free will over what you give your attention to. Healing requires that you use your free will to liberate yourself from the tyranny of suffering that an unfaithful partner inflicts upon your life. When you find yourself repeatedly visualizing your partner cheating, displace that ugliness by focusing on the next steps.
3. Change your image of yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Give yourself permission to let everything about yourself that you do not feel good about dissolve with the shattered relationship. If you noticed that you developed bad habits, such as making yourself small or powerless in your last relationship, resolve that issue and take your power back. You now have the space and freedom to be a new you. The mold is broken and it is time for you to claim the person and happiness you have always wanted. You do not have to settle for anything less.
4. Make time for yourself. This is a healing time: pamper and love yourself. There is no replacement for you loving yourself. The most reliable person to depend on to love you through difficult and challenging times is you. Balance the pain you are feeling with lavishing loving kindness upon yourself; a gentleness that no one can betray or can take away from you.
5. Focus on those that do support you – your relationships with family and friends. Ask for extra TLC from the relationships that have your best interest at heart. Let others know what your needs are, and let them give to you.
6. Don’t isolate yourself. It’s easy to hole up with a romance novel or movie and a few pints of Ben & Jerry’s. Contracting will only make the pain worse. This is a time to expand into a new life unfettered by a toxic, cheating partner. Get out there and start living life.
7. Acknowledge your new strength. This ordeal should have made you much wiser and stronger. This is one of life’s many experiences, so learn from it. Validate your inner knowing and acknowledge your evolution into a wiser and more discerning person. You have already paid the price for this wisdom, so claim it! Don’t let it get lost in the shuffle.
8. Focus only on what you want. Don’t give your attention to negative issues: what you are praying will not happen. Every time you find yourself letting the worst case scenario run away with your attention, bring your point of focus back to giving attention singularly to what you desire. You will lose a lot of precious healing energy whenever you let your mind drift off to things that do not empower you.
9. Everything grows better with compost. Don’t be excrimentally challenged. Consider this a growth accelerant, not a failure. This experience comes complete with tons of emotional waste. Make sure it works for your growth; that is it’s greatest potential. Think of all the other painful events you have lived through that made you more loving and compassionate. This is no different.
10. Reposition yourself for the next phase of your new life. It can be an exciting, freeing and inspiring new life if you choose it. This iceberg does not have to sink your ship, you are not the Titanic, do not give your cheating partner the power to send you to the bottom of the Ocean. You and you alone are the architect of your own life. Draw on this to give yourself a strong, clear foundation for building a grander and greater life. As Gandhi says, “Be the change you wish to see.”Visit Vaishali at her web site www.PurpleV.com
Vaishali is the author of Wisdom Rising and You Are What You Love . She is a columnist for the Huffington Post and an international health & wellness speaker who has appeared on The Dr. Oz Radio Show and Oprah.com. Vaishali learned to transform her life from the threat of two terminal disease diagnoses, domestic abuse and financial devastation. Completely recovered, she shares her wisdom @ www.purplev.com/mediakit or email firstname.lastname@example.org